Are you a people pleaser? Do you (over) adapt to others?
You might be suffering from co-dependency.
Below, I describe some more characteristics…
What is co-dependency, the positives:
- Are you sensitive to the moods and feelings of others?
- Are you someone who ‘gives space’ to others naturally?
- Can you perform well under stress (as if you become calm)?
- Are you a perfectionist?’
- Are you loyal?
- Are you patient with others, giving extra chances?
- Are you intuitive?
These characteristics are powerful and beautiful traits.
But sometimes these properties become unbalanced…
Co-dependency the flip side:
- Do you adapt to other to the point of not meeting your own needs?
- Do you ‘people please’ and not realise what your own wishes are?
- Do you sometimes feel invisible, without claiming your space?
- Are you patient with another, but are you critical of yourself?
- Are you so loyal you don’t set healthy boundaries?
- Do you give others space but not yourself?
- Do you consider yourself ‘not good enough?’
- Do you fear conflict, anger and rejection from others?
- Do you not say what you would like, just to keep the peace?
- When thinking, do you often find yourself in ‘dialogues’ with others?
If you recognise yourself in this, it is quite possible that you developed co-dependency in your early childhood.
What causes co-dependency
Co-dependency is usually developed in early childhood.
There, you determined and learned what your relationships are supposed to be like: with ourselves, others and the world.
Most people with co-dependency recognise themselves in a family where their parents are focused on their own feelings, needs and wants. Rather than those of their child or children.
Reasons might be:
– ignorance: “children should adapt to the family.”
– (mental) illness,
– trauma (in parents of yourself as a child)
If you grew up like in such a situation, you may have learned to ‘sense’ what your parents and others need and want. And you feel responsible to meet those needs. You learned what to say and ask in a way that didn’t cause upset or rejection. You learned to put another’s needs before your own, which is the core of co-dependency.
The good news is…
You are free to become your true self.
I believe that you are healthy and perfect in your heart and soul.
You too, may experience (your own and others’) empathy, compassion, affection and understanding.
You may become aware of your own feelings.
You may become aware of what you need and get your needs met.
You may become aware of your wants and allow yourself the joy of receiving.
You may live a life in which you keep yourself safe, both physically and emotionally.
A life in which you are free to be yourself.
A life filled with unconditional love.
As an adult, it is no longer up to your partner, your family, your friends or your children to sense what you might need and give you that.
Instead, it is up to you to let go of any learned ‘powerlessness.’
To consciously decide what you need and want and discuss this.
To set limits. That is often difficult at first (as it goes against everything you learned). But you are going to determine your own identity through doing it.
Your relationship with yourself
The most powerful foundation for change lies in your relationship with yourself. It may be your ‘sacred mission’ to love yourself unconditionally. To find a ‘simple’ sense of being okay, exactly as you are. To walk through the streets without looking at the ground, but to keep your head up high and with compassion. “Free to be Me!”
If you would me to ‘walk next to you’ and guide you on your journey, please don’t hesitate to contact me, I would love to hear from you.